Not my daughter

A 45 year-old female was arrested in San Antonio after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change,According to the police,the female later said she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
So you will not think I just like dumb storys about woman!!
Dave so and so of Anniston ,Alabama, was injured recently after he attempted to replace a tubelike fuse in his CHEVY pickup with a 22 caliber bullet(used because it was a perfect fit). However, when electricity heated the bullet, it went off and shot him in the knee.

Mean eyed monster

Yup it's got two eyes, two very mean looking eyes,I was in the shop after a few cool ones and that rascal got to me again, so what the hell ,it didn't throw me last time so lets go again.It is getting better but the best part is PETE don't like it, so with everybody else at the cafe, I chased him all over the place ,man now that was fun,took my honey for a little ride today, not as much fun as chasing PETE.

One eyed monster

Lets see if I can explaine this correctly. I was working in my shop, minding my own business, when i felt something checking me out. I looked around an there was this four tired, one eyed monster looking at me ,an it was telling me to watch out cause I was to old to mess with it. Ha ain't no gas gusseling four tired one eyed monster gunna scare me!!
So I walks over to it ,looked it over and got on , there it didn't throw me, I turned on the swich, pushed the starter, It roared at me so I tighted my grip on the handle bars and said give me your best shot. Woops should not have said that I think I made it mad. As we left the shop I gave it just a little gas ,Oh shit ,hang on old man, sum bitch, this dam thing is trying to throw me off, so I hung on for dear life as we flew down the road looking for a place to turn around. When I got the damn thing back to the shop I pushed it back into the corner where I found it , turned my back to it and walked away. Now when I hear a noise in back of me in the shop,I will say ya, ya , ya, bite me,woops it already tried that.